Inside a Tormented Mind
I awoke to the sound of a silent scream from a distant dream,
Voices of the dead echoing through my head.
What had I been, and what had I seen?
What did I do, and who did I do it to?
Feelings of guilt felt as if they were inbuilt,
Like this invisible chain suffocating my brain.
Why this madness? Why this pain?
Why did I feel like I was going insane?
Who were my victims, and was I unjust?
Did I do it for vengeance, or was it for lust?
Were these sins fresh as morning dew, or old as ancient dust?
Discovery would be painful, but find out I must.
I asked the Police, but that didn’t work -
They just looked at me as if I was completely berserk.
I looked in the library for a clue or a hint -
There was no ray of enlightenment there, not even a glint.
I tried asking everyone that I called a friend;
They said it was too long since I’d seen my CPN.
They all think I’m mad, that my guilt is illusionary -
They think my mind’s gone, my memories delusionary.
But I know the truth, voices in my head told me I have to pay
For the evil I’ve done, but what evil they won’t say.
I just have to go on searching, one day my answer I’ll find…
And then they won’t think that I’m out of my mind.
I’m on medication now, I think they call it Depot.
The voices have gone away, but the dreams still persist.
Now I think I’m insane, but they think I’m ill…
Their arguments seem persuasive, but sometimes I resist.
This feeling of guilt is too real not to be true,
Read the full poem in my collection Outside, Inside.